Archive for December, 2010

Words Within

Monday, December 20th, 2010

Can you see me between the lines of this poem
Peaking out behind the imposing columns
Of the words that I have created
Yet which are slowly uncreating me.

Can you find me in the contours of every word
Molding my body to shape of the letters
That makes up my very essence, my very soul
They are my children that have one by one left me.

Can you search for me when I am lost in this forest of words
When they consume me and leave me for dead
Will you be there waiting to help pick up the ruin of who I have become
Or will I be left alone with the whispers of the words begging to be born.

Can you distinguish the person who I used to be
From the creature that the words have made into me
I am afraid of the darkness that hides within the words
Lurking in the shadows of every line I write. It is watching me.

Can you read the words imprinted on my heart
That left burning scores tattooed in my skin
As I tore the words from my body
And lay them down as a sacrifice to you.

Can you understand the agony I have suffered
From you merciless gods who pick at these words
That are pieces of my being and lay them to ruinous waste
Leaving me in tatters only to rise again to create.

Can you believe me when I say this is my purpose
This is the reason I live and breath
The words that I breathe life into
Breathe life back into me.



Monday, December 20th, 2010

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Posted in Photos |

Winter’s Embrace

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

I am tired now let me sleep
The little girl says in a voice scarred
By winters claws in her throat
Not yet, not quite yet
Our feet drag in the snow
Her little hand held loosely in my own
If I can not feel my own hand
How am I supposed to keep track of hers
I feel her hands slipping frequently
From within my grasp
To hang limp by her sides
They drag her down
She is so little
So fragile I have to take care of her
But even as I think this
I feel my eyelids dragging too
We are dying
And I know this
I wonder if she knows too

We keep moving
One foot in front of the other
Trudging through this desolations
To a destination unknown
I have no answers for her
Just empty reassurance
That soon the answer will come
Who knows maybe a flaming chariot
Will come from the sky
In a flourish of warmth
That will thaw our tired bones
Or not.
Nevertheless we keep moving

She falls to her knees beside me
I barely notice in my own fogginess
I am going to take a nap
She says in a voice now more than a whisper
That echoes in my ears like a scream
I say forcing my way through the snow
To reach down and rouse her
She has curled up in the snow
Like a kitten next to a warm fire
There seems no difference
She looks so peaceful as she closes her eyes
I shake her, yell at her
Tell her she can’t die
I have to protect her
Keep her safe and alive
But she is gone now
Curl up in Winter’s embrace
Leaving me in this winter wasteland
So devastatingly alone

I kneel in the snow
Unable to move
Not willing to die
But not strong enough to live
Where does that leave me
I pet her soft hair
And say goodbye
I have to continue on
Alone if must be
So I left her behind
She belonged to the winter
Not mine any more
I screamed in silence
Because there was no one left to hear
This desolation this utter fear
It was the first time I had felt anything
Since this terrible winter of silence began
And it was the last feeling I ever had
As Winter pulled me in
And left me hollow and cold inside
I died with her
Long ago in the snow
Yet here I am still moving
But who am I now?

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Posted in Poetry |

Fallen Leaves

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

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Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

She leans into the mirror
Closer and closer
Until they are almost one
She purses her lips
As she slowly opens
A tube of bright red lipstick
She watches with reverence
And a humble respect
The monolith of red
Emerge like a sword
From its sheath
On the tube it says rogue
Like the rebel has become
As she brushes it across her lips
Soft as a feather
Like a paintbrush
Stringing out a line of calligraphy
On the most pure of white paper
She stays for a moment
As she always does
Looking her reflection in the eye
Her eyes burn like emeralds
A fire of ambition
With pursed red lips
And the smallest of smiles
She is ready to conquer
To never loose control
Of her life ever again
Now she is ready to face the world
With her lips bathed in red
The face of a new woman
The only traces of the old
Are exposed like roses
On the petals of her lips
The blood of the disposed of
Her old dead self
The self who used to look in the mirror
To hollow eyes
And bruises on her face
No longer is it her own blood
That lingers on her lips
But the bright red paint
Of everything she has overcome
They ask her why she does it
But they can’t understand
How far she tries to bury
The woman she once was
The weak one who was beaten
In her place stands a warrior
Fierce and strong
The trophies of her battles
Laid down layer by layer
On her lips
The blood of those she has defeated
And the blood she has spilt herself
She is the rogue
With the warriors seal
Painted on her lips
She faces each day
Knowing that finally she can defeat it


Earth Works

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

On a field trip with the other IB art students at my school we went on an adventure to Pebble Beach near Pigeon Point Lighthouse to do some earth work artwork. It was a lot of fun, some people did works inspired by the wonderful Andy Goldsworthy, and others just had a lot of fun being creative by using only things found on the beach.

My favorite piece was my friend Hailey’s earthwork which she made out of snail shells she found on the beach. It reminded me of Andy Goldsworthy a lot and was beautiful.

A couple of friends worked with me to make a zen balancing rock garden in a tide pool on the beach. It was a lot of fun and I worked on making archway rock pilings which were a little difficult but fun to do.

It was only part of the field trip but it was my favorite. There is something so rewarding about creating art and having fun doing it. Working with a group of friends and taking only what the earth provides to make artwork that is creative and fun to do. Most of all, it is just so much fun enjoying nature with some of your best friends.


Hidden Hearts

Monday, December 13th, 2010

She leaves her hearts
In the strangest of places
Hidden around the world
Each heart for its owner
Who lost it long ago
But she kept them safe
In the dark of the night
Making sure their fire
Never truly died
Keeping them alive
In the darkest of hours
Nursing them back to life
After they were broken
After they were discarded
With the drop of a hat
She is the keeper of the hearts
Holding each within her own
Waiting on the outskirts
For when it is finally time
To return them to their owners
The empty ones
The ones without purpose
Living a meaningless life
She waits ever patient
The unsung hero of hearts
Who keeps the fire of life burning
In this ever darkening world
As long as the hidden hearts remain
There is hope for humanity

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Posted in Poetry |

Why I Love Otters

Monday, December 13th, 2010

Otters are definitely one of my favorite animals along with hedgehogs and ferrets. They are beyond adorable and are so fuzzy and tranquil looking. I have been trying for quite some time to get some halfway decent photos of some sea otters since I already got some good river otter photos. I decided that sea otters are much cuter than river otters. Sea otters just have such a cuteness about them, and how can you not love an animal that floats around on its back with stubby little arms.

I found this adorable little creature out at Moss Landing on my way down to Cal Poly. I keep seeing them there and always forget my camera. But I came prepared this time and ran over to capture his cuteness with my camera.

It started to rain on him, he didn’t seem very happy about so he decided to roll over. First he did this cute little fist pumping action with his arms by holding them out from his body and moving them up and down. It was probably one of the cutest things I have ever seen.

Then he proceeded to roll over on to his stomach with his hands held against his nose. It really looked like he was praying or something.

It just made my whole day seeing this otter. I love wildlife and capturing pictures of it to show other people why I love it so much is worthy standing out in the rain for however long it takes to get my shot. Lesson of the day anyways, otters are unearthly cute and I want one as a pet. It makes me sad to know I can’t have one, maybe some day I will befriend an otter and visit him. Dreams, oh well. I love otters and if you don’t… there is something seriously wrong with you.



Sunday, December 12th, 2010

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Sit With Me

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Come sit with me in the dark
Let me introduce you
A first acquaintance
That quickly becomes
A long drawn out partnership
With a parasite
A monkey you can’t
Seem to get off your back
Sit me with
Stand with me
Cry with me
Laugh with me
In darkness
This is a whole new world
Where Hell
Is only Hell
No heaven behind
Closed off gates
And a smiling face
Is the one you must beware
Shake hands
Politely speak to one another
Soft drums beat near by
Where children giggle
Pointing at you
Staring at you
With eyes to big
And too dark
Sitting here
Does it make you nervous
You seem nervous
You shouldn’t be
This is home
Welcome back son
The lost child
Long returned home
We’ve been waiting
Sighing out each breath
Into darkness
Where words fall
From mouths
So uncouth and unforgiving
An ugly world full of beauty
A contradictory that has
No limitations or boundaries
Where no ends meet
The path just ends
From the corners
You are watched
Stalked day and night
By what
You may never know
Every time the lights go out
You know I am waiting
Waiting just for you
I have lingered on the outside
Watching from the sidelines
But not for long
So come sit with me
In the dark
Where secrets are told
And lies are whispered
And eyes are always looking
Welcome home
Make sure to shut the door
Behind you tight
Don’t let the darkness out