Posts Tagged ‘youth’

Winter’s Embrace

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

I am tired now let me sleep
The little girl says in a voice scarred
By winters claws in her throat
Not yet, not quite yet
Our feet drag in the snow
Her little hand held loosely in my own
If I can not feel my own hand
How am I supposed to keep track of hers
I feel her hands slipping frequently
From within my grasp
To hang limp by her sides
They drag her down
She is so little
So fragile I have to take care of her
But even as I think this
I feel my eyelids dragging too
We are dying
And I know this
I wonder if she knows too

We keep moving
One foot in front of the other
Trudging through this desolations
To a destination unknown
I have no answers for her
Just empty reassurance
That soon the answer will come
Who knows maybe a flaming chariot
Will come from the sky
In a flourish of warmth
That will thaw our tired bones
Or not.
Nevertheless we keep moving

She falls to her knees beside me
I barely notice in my own fogginess
I am going to take a nap
She says in a voice now more than a whisper
That echoes in my ears like a scream
I say forcing my way through the snow
To reach down and rouse her
She has curled up in the snow
Like a kitten next to a warm fire
There seems no difference
She looks so peaceful as she closes her eyes
I shake her, yell at her
Tell her she can’t die
I have to protect her
Keep her safe and alive
But she is gone now
Curl up in Winter’s embrace
Leaving me in this winter wasteland
So devastatingly alone

I kneel in the snow
Unable to move
Not willing to die
But not strong enough to live
Where does that leave me
I pet her soft hair
And say goodbye
I have to continue on
Alone if must be
So I left her behind
She belonged to the winter
Not mine any more
I screamed in silence
Because there was no one left to hear
This desolation this utter fear
It was the first time I had felt anything
Since this terrible winter of silence began
And it was the last feeling I ever had
As Winter pulled me in
And left me hollow and cold inside
I died with her
Long ago in the snow
Yet here I am still moving
But who am I now?

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Poetry |


Saturday, November 21st, 2009

Every second
Youth wasted
On planning
How your
Life will
End up
And should
Every second
Of life
Washed away
Never to get back
My house
My career
My husband
And family
Set in stone
Finally I
Reach my planned
Life and happiness
The perfect
Sits, reads the newspaper
Drinks coffee
He says
He loves me
The perfect
A little girl
Sits in her high chair
Angel with black hair
Pale face
Blue eyes
The perfect
Never barks
Nor bites
The perfect
Just as I
Had dreamed
High ceilings
In the rainy woods
The perfect
Writing and teaching
Always published
Students love me
I am perfect
My life complete
Except I
Had no childhood
I wish I
Had a perfect
I am not
My life is incomplete
To live
A perfect life
I must
Who I am
I think to myself
“This isn’t
What I wanted”
I don’t want
To be
“This isn’t
What I wanted”
I can’t
Be perfect
Because I am
I look
At everything
Just as I wanted
Just as I planned
Planned out
But now that
I have it
I don’t want it
“This isn’t
What I wanted”
I planned
So I could
Be happy
But now I have
Lost everything
That was really important
Is a joke
You can’t be
Because to get
You must give
Something else up
To be perfect
Or happy
You choose

Tags: , ,
Posted in Poetry |