November 12th, 2009

I have been telling my friends all day so now I am going to tell you:

I hate mosquitos with a fiery passion that is unparalleled.

I have a little creek in my backyard so lucky me, every time it rains my family gets a wonderous gift of a thousand biting monsters in our home which used to be so safe and secure. It is like a battlefield in my house. Whenever mosquitos are spotted, the war is on, no holding back now. There are rolled magazines and books handy for quick squashing access because we don’t tolerate these nasty buggers. Seriously I always find them in the bathroom and I spot it and suddenly the house is alive,


Lock the doors, barricade the windows and get ready for the hunt because this bug isn’t getting out alive. It almost makes me sad to think about it from the bugs point of view. I mean really

So you are minding your own business when suddenly there is all this loud noise and then just like that your are trapped with no way out. There is something repeatedly being swung at you which you narrowly escape. Each time it gets closer and closer. They find you no matter where you hide. And you know that soon you won’t be able to get away and that will be it. SQWASH

But then I remember, that bugger bit me five times last night and I am going to itch like the dickens for the next week. Then I don’t feel so bad.

The two main things that bug me about mosquitos are this:

  1. They only seem to bite you when you are sleeping. You can be lost in the deepest and most pleasant dreams when suddenly that buzzing sounds invades your mind and takes what security in your sleep you had. There is no mistaking that noise either, you can’t say oh well maybe it was the wind. No, you know it is a mosquito. You can’t ignore it either because it will just keep coming back and buzzing you. The worst part about that is when you hear the buzzing stop. We all know that means it has landed on you somewhere and is about  to take a nibble out of you. Then of course you thrash around for a while and get so frustrated that you smack yourself in the head trying to squash it. Then you throw back your covers, stomp over to the light, and crawl into your bed with a book (good squashing qualities) and wait. So you sit there like a twitched out heroin addict knowing it is near and the second you give up it will come back. Sometimes you are lucky enough to get it but most nights not so much. So there will be no sleep tonight.
  2. Mosquitos have no purpose. I might tolerate it (probably not) if I knew that this bug was annoying the hell out of me for some greater purpose. But really we all know there isn’t. The mosquito just happens to be one of very few animals that has no higher purpose in life except to bug the crap out of you like coyotes or ticks.

They drive me insane. So if I come to school looking like I haven’t slept in three days it is because I haven’t. I have stayed up trying to suceed ( but failing) at being the champion mosquito hunter.

A side note, I don’t know if this is just me, but has anyone else noticed that mosquitos in different places are different? Like in some places they are faster, or fatter, or slower, or some other trait. Yes I have witnessed this, it is not just the product of a deranged mind.

A side side note; South Dakota in June… don’t do it. There are clouds and clouds of mosquitos. We drove through and kept hitting these clouds and couldn’t figure out what it was until their dead carcasses started to block our windshield. The wipers couldn’t even get them off, we had to stop and seek shelter it was so bad. Don’t even get me started on the hotel we were forced to stay in. Just a warning if you want to keep your soul don’t ask me about Motel 6.

Anyway I digress as usual. So the point if there is one is this. I wish to hunt down every mosquito in the world and kill it. And I want to kill that guy from Lilo and Stitch who is trying to preserve them because they are an endangered species. No, they are not. And if they were.. they wouldn’t be missed.

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2 Responses to “Mosquito Hunter”

  1. Nick Multer says:

    It seems you guys are suffering back home without my mosquito killing expertise. Dad is good too, but you really need both of us.

  2. Maiya says:

    monica, i can totally picture you being all pissed off and slapping mosquitos like a crazy person! you make me laugh!! and speaking of mosquitos being different in different places, in georgia they’re like the two inches long! it’s disgusting!!!