October 20th, 2009

I think a lovely neighbor of mine needs a little mentioning currently. This neighbor is a terror in my life and last night was horrible! You may be asking who this neighbor is and can we go egg his house. The answer is no… because egging is bad, and because this neighbor is in fact a coyote. Or several coyotes I suppose. Let me lay out my night in detail for you:

  • I didnt want to do my homework (what self-respecting kid does?) so I had found everything in life to do besides sit down and concentrate on math. (Which is what I am doing right now… don’t tell anyone) So I had done everything in existence by, oh lets say, ten o’clock about. So I finally am faced with the inevitable fact that I must do my homework. I realize now is that one golden moment a day when I actually feel like doing my homework finally. I sit down and begin. The moment I am ready to start the second point of my night begins.
  • The coyotes. Our outdoor neighbors come a knock knock knocking on our door step. None to quietly either. I look up, my mom looks up, my dog freaks out, and the whole homework zen mood dissipates in a flash with my moms words, “What the heck is that?” So we scramble up leaving behind everything we had been doing to go outside and stand on our porch for a moment. We are standing there when we hear it. The most god awful noise in existence. I swear it was like a mix of the noise of a cat being strangled, a goat with a chicken bone stuck in its throat, and a horror films clique scream. YES IT WAS THAT BAD. It seriously gave me chills, that was a noise no living creature should make.  And the worst part, it didn’t stop. Routinely every two or so minutes it would do it again.
  • We head back inside knowing that the hideous sound outside is not Satan rising up from our canyon and wait for it to stop. IT DIDN”T. I was just trying to do my math and it won’t shut up! Seriously it was creepy and annoying, a perfect combination typically reserved for little brothers. I couldn’t concentrate so I give up after a half hour and resign to my room.
  • Lying in bed, trying to sleep, our wonderfully courteous neighbors, still won’t shut up. Even a pillow, three comforters, two fleece blankets, my dog, and a mini buffalo couldn’t block out that noise. So I am lying awake for easily an hour listening to the embodiment of Satan in our backyard, and hating every ounce of its being.

That pretty much was my whole night. A little recap, 1. no homework done because of coyotes, 2. totally disrupted life because of coyotes, 3. totally irritated because of coyotes 4. no sleep because of coyotes and finally 5. wishing to kill every coyote in existence because OF COYOTES.

As I lay awake all night I had time to think about this damned creature and asked myself finally, What on earth is making that coyote so pissed off it is making that noise?

I mean really, what would prompt suck a ruckus out of these mangy creatures that I have grown to despise. It really makes me wonder, and I know some people instantly went to this option


If that was your thought, and it is true… i fear for the coyote’s race. If that is the mating call of a coyote, I am baffled. How could anything find that attractive. That is like saying I can get a boyfriend by screaming bloody murder at them for five hours straight. Which believe me, doesn’t work.  And if that isn’t the reason, only god knows what is.

Just a side note…. coyotes are just ugly dogs, trying to act like wolves but can’t because dogs and wolves hate them. There I said it, but I digress.

Coyotes are like, ticks, wasps, and mosquitos. Why you ask? Because they have absolutely no purpose. Their sole purpose in life is to make other creatures lives miserable. They do nothing but bite, scream, and put you in a generally irritated mood. So yes I would do just fine without those things, that doesn’t make me cruel or heartless, just honest.

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