Posts Tagged ‘2018’

On the Road Again

Wednesday, June 27th, 2018

It is hard to believe these words even as I write them:

I am hitting the road again for a cross country road trip.

Almost three years ago I wrote the same thing on this blog and it was just as hard to believe then as it is today. A lot has changed in three years and not all for the better. I am a very different person than the one who climbed into my little Prius three years ago determined to test her horizons and welcome in a world of experiences yet to come.

When I returned from my nomadic life on the road and tried to lay down some roots of my own in San Francisco, my life was quickly turned upside-down by illness and misfortune. As I wrote about in a previous post I was struck down by a mysterious illness called Mal de Debarqumont Syndrome that has forever changed my life.

Over the last three years my horizon shrank to nearly nothing. All of the work to prove to myself how capable I was and the months of exploration that expanded my world came crashing down. Life became simply survival and I found myself fighting for even the smallest victories. I would celebrate walking the three blocks to my work more than I had celebrated driving across the country alone. My world became so much smaller and the fear that plagued me during this time left me feeling trapped in a box.

I found myself living a different type of nomadic life than that which I knew on my cross country road trip. I was rootless and floating; I drifted between one thing and the next because the box I lived within had no anchor except the need to survive.

Now I have found my anchor again: pursuing my PhD in graduate school.

I rediscovered my childhood dream of becoming a professor and writing professionally. In the fall of 2018 I will officially be a PhD candidate at UCSC in the Literature Department. This means so many exciting things to me, but one of the biggest is that I know for the next six or so years of my life that I have a home. I have an anchor that I can always return to even in the darkest of times.

Finding my anchor is only the first step along my new path. It is time to break free of this box of fear. I find myself for the first time in a long time yearn for that horizon line that used to drive me to the edge of myself.

I can do more than just survive.

So I am taking to the road again to stretch myself and push my limits as I did three years ago. Even though I have new limits and they may be smaller than they used to be, I know I can learn to break out of the bondages of my illness and learn how to live a full life once more.

I will be traveling for three months across the country before I start my program in the Fall. The first leg I will be traveling with my favorite travel buddy, my mother. There is no one in the world I would rather have as my co-pilot in both the good and the bad times. We leave in a few short days and I hope to post as frequently as possible while we are traveling. So stay tuned for more travel posts and photos!

I hope you will follow me along this journey.

P.S. For those of you wondering about what this trip means to the progress of the book I am working on, do not worry! I am taking a little bit of a break from my research and writing to enjoy the road. I will still be working, but I wanted to make time to share this experience with you all. So fear not, the good work continues and new work also begins!