{"id":1731,"date":"2010-04-06T22:18:03","date_gmt":"2010-04-07T05:18:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/?p=1731"},"modified":"2010-04-06T22:19:12","modified_gmt":"2010-04-07T05:19:12","slug":"guest-blogger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/2010\/guest-blogger\/","title":{"rendered":"Guest Blogger!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi! \u00a0My name is Artemis, and I am the guest blogger for today! How exciting is that! Does this annoy you that I am ending everything in an exclamation mark! \u00a0Because it should! \u00a0In real life, I don’t actually talk like this! \u00a0I actually talk very monotone and it is quite boring and nobody listens to me wahhh wahhh well except my pet snake. \u00a0His name is Pez. \u00a0I picked him out from the pet store down the street when I was five, and he has been my best friend every since. One time I put him in an urn because I thought he would like it in there. \u00a0He got stuck because he is a boa constrictor. \u00a0I had to break the urn to get him out.<\/p>\n

My mom was very upset because that was her favorite urn. \u00a0She got it from Egypt in the year 1920. \u00a0Yes, she is that old. \u00a0She is also not Egyptian, but Mongolian. \u00a0I went to Mongolia once when I was ten. \u00a0I ate this raw fish and it made my very sick. \u00a0I spent fifteen days in the general Mongolian hospital while my mother (who was younger at the time), my father (who is Australian), and my older sister did tourist stuff around the country. \u00a0I dislike tourist stuff. \u00a0So maybe it was a good thing I was sick.<\/p>\n

That was definitely the trip from hell. \u00a0We went to India afterward which was a huge mistake because that was the pre- Slumdog Millionaire days. \u00a0Whatever that means. \u00a0Anyway our flight was delayed and I missed the episode of “Glee” that I had been dreaming about the entire 6 – month trip. \u00a0I MISSED IT. OH NO NOW I’M TALKING IN ALL CAPS. WELL I MISSED THE SHOW AND I WAS SUPER DUPER ANGRY. \u00a0SO ANGRY THAT I DECIDED I WOULD NEVER TRAVEL OUT OF THE COUNTRY AGAIN. \u00a0So, I have not left this nation, nay, this state, nay, this little town of nobody, in TWELVE YEARS. \u00a0YES THIS PIECE OF INFORMATION DESERVES TO BE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I’m known in my hometown as The Girl Who Never Leaves. \u00a0They all expect me to live here forever with my sixteen pet cats (I actually have ten but one is pregnant and due any day). \u00a0But little do they know that I have actually have had an arranged marriage waiting for me with a millionaire from India. \u00a0That’s right folks. \u00a0While I was pacing, worried about missing Glee, the only show worth watching on this earth, my loving parents had set up a marriage between me and the richest man in India. \u00a0So now I’m just waiting to gain my citizenship for India, and then it will be adios, Americans! \u00a0My children will be beautiful, half Indian, quarter Mongolian, and quarter Australian. \u00a0I already have names picked out: \u00a0Athena, Hermes, and Zeus. \u00a0Lovely, right? \u00a0I hope it will convey their inner strength.<\/p>\n

By the way, Pez died last year. \u00a0We had a serene burial in my backyard, which all of my loving family and friends attended. \u00a0He was buried next to my pet hermit crabs which had accidentally died two years ago. \u00a0But that’s a different story.<\/p>\n

Anyway, where was I? \u00a0Oh yes. \u00a0My children will be gods and goddesses. \u00a0My cats will not be able to join me in India because I am afraid they will be eaten. \u00a0I am leaving them in the care of my old sister, who is an old maid and will never make anything of her life. \u00a0She is the true cat lady of our family. \u00a0She will love my cats like the children she will never have because she will remain a virgin for the rest of her life. \u00a0Sad, right? \u00a0I know. \u00a0A while ago I thought it would be nice of me to help her, so I set her up on a date with this nice young man from New Jersey. \u00a0He looked clean-cut, articulate, and no tattoos. \u00a0However, little did I know that he was actually a serial killer. \u00a0My sister barely escaped with her life; however, the creep was put in jail. \u00a0My sister did not speak to me for years after, but she eventually got over it. \u00a0How was I to know that the man was a killer? \u00a0Really, sister, really?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This is a picture of my sister. \u00a0Her hair is so large it covers her face, which is probably a good thing, if you know what I mean. \u00a0We do not get along, in case you cannot tell. \u00a0However, she loves cats. \u00a0So that is why I am giving mine to her when I go marry my millionaire.<\/p>\n

And that is my story.<\/p>\n

The end.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi! \u00a0My name is Artemis, and I am the guest blogger for today! How exciting is that! Does this annoy you that I am ending everything in an exclamation mark! \u00a0Because it should! \u00a0In real life, I don’t actually talk like this! \u00a0I actually talk very monotone and it is quite boring and nobody listens […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7,8],"tags":[650,929,931,932,930],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1731"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1731"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1731\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1734,"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1731\/revisions\/1734"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1731"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1731"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.multer.com\/people\/monica\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1731"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}