The Pedestrian Poet » god

Determination

monica — Mon, 16 May 2011 04:32:47 +0000

The dust is the shroud wrapped tightly around her shoulders
A death shroud veiling her from the world she is simply passing through
Transparent eyes look at nothing but the horizon of the world
With feet that drag as her invisible chains burden her steps
She moves on, deliberately, persistently with no goal in mind
She must move, she must not stop or else she will be found
You see, her shadow is chasing her but cannot find her in the dust storm
She is the lost, she is the invisible left to wander when the storm is over
Determination is her name
But what good is determination when there is no objective
Simply the will to keep going, keep moving when all has imploded around you
She knows all about failure, pain, and the bottom of the hole
The grave she has dug herself into yet seems to continually evade
She dances around death with the practicality of a mathematician
Life is a calculation to her, the only components that exist
Are her obstacles and her ability to push onward
So she finds herself walking down this road again
Chased by her shadow and the inevitably of death
But this time as it always has been Lady Luck has swept her away
In the arms of a storm that is all consuming and all knowing
Maybe Luck knows just how it feels to be out of luck
So she took pity on a poor girl down on fortune who was betrayed by her shadow
But in the end luck has nothing to do with it
Her shadow will eclipse her in the end as all are and no storm can save her then
But for now she continues her dance, her game of Cat and Mouse
With those who cannot be tricked or avoided
With bare feet she continues forward, pulling the cowl of a dust storm close
To hide her face from eyes that can see all and know all
How long she wonders, how much longer can this game continue
For even now she grows weary, even now her soul
Just as the soles of her feet grow bloodied and bruised
From a fight she knows she cannot win
Yet she continues to fight because it is simply who she is
She is determination and does not know what it means to give up
So she doesn’t

Within Reach

monica — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 05:30:46 +0000

A woman stands on the side of the road
Not on the side walk but not quite in the street
Standing on the gutter’s front step
She is motionless as cars streak past in a blur
They do not stop for her, they don’t even see her
As she stands on the edge of their awareness
But very much in the middle of her own mind
She watches the cars as they past
You can see her lips move but they make no noise
Maybe she is asking them to slow down
Maybe she is asking them to speed up
Or maybe she is asking for a prayer
To save her soul for what she is about to do

She closes her eyes and takes a step away from the side walk
One step closer to the street
One step farther away from the world she once knew
Then another and another and still the cars don’t stop
She can no longer hear them
Just feel them as their tires reverberate on the blacktop
Like the hum of a hummingbird only inches from her ears
She will not stop for them she has someone she must meet
She is dancing with death, her feet flat on the ground
Still she keeps moving as the cars get closer and closer
As she moves farther and farther away from the curb
Until she is in the middle of the road

She turns and faces traffic and opens her eyes
To a bright light encompassing her
For a single moment she can feel God
She opens her arms to embrace it with a soft smile
As the car slams on its brakes and stops
Only inches from her face
She heaves a heavy sign not of fear but relief
She lowers her arms slowly with a little smile on her face
Then turns away and begins to walk the other direction
Continuing her crusade across black top
With the remembrance of the lights
That had so recently filled her mind
She held that little moment deep within her heart

A moment where she and death almost touched hands
She had seen him stretching out his long bony fingers
To graze against her face, cool and smooth
Only to be pulled away at the last moment
It was also a moment
Where she stood within arms reach of God
Close enough to brush her fingers against his outstretched palm
Both stood on one side of the street
Separated by cars, by busy people
Unaware of whom they were in the presence of
She held both their hands for a moment
And walked away unscathed but with a new smile
That held death and god on each corner
As she walked away from that road
From one side walk to another
She had met death and god
And walked away from both

Apple Tree

monica — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 05:56:34 +0000

I found God
Oh really, where
He was underneath
My grandpa’s old apple tree
Well isn’t that silly
Did you ask him
What he was doing
Underneath that tree
Yep
He said he was trying
To understand
Adam and Eve
I don’t know who they are
But he said they looked
Just like me
He said it made him sad
That his children
Had fallen so far away
I told him maybe
They would come back some day
Did you say anything else
I sure did
I asked about Grandpa
And my old dog Brick
God just laughed and said
They were happy here
But they missed me so
God told me
To be patient
That one-day
I would grow up
And the world would change
He said to me
That my soul
Would forever remain
Then he just got up
And smile down at me
Gave me an apple
And said one last thing
I am sorry dear child
This is the last time
You will ever see me
I have a lot of work
And no more time for play
I have to bring in Adam
And bring back eve
Take them from the serpents grasp
So they can remember me at last
Goodbye my child
This is the last time
You will ever see me
Why I asked
But he was already gone
The little boy turned to me
Unsure and sad
Where does God go
When he leaves the apple tree
Does he find others
Or is he just too busy
I don’t know
I somberly replied
But I am sure he is watching
And making sure you’re all right

The Dimmest Light

monica — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 04:36:13 +0000

Even the dimmest light, in the darkest of places can illuminate your way. Who lights your way? Is it a best friend, a parent, your imagination, or God? It doesn’t matter who or what your light is, follow it, because it will always lead you to brighter times.

The Little Things

monica — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 07:45:12 +0000

One of the nicest things about living in Santa Cruz is the red woods. My mom and I often go running in the woods and sometimes it really does appear divine. My mom goes in much more often than I do and she took this picture. God truly is in the little things like this. I am just glad that I have gotten see things like this.

In the Shadow of the Bell Tower

monica — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:20:17 +0000

The fence gate
Guards the bell towers
Where the pigeons wait
Let the bells ring
Let the bells toll
It is time
Let it go
Let it go
For so long
You stood on
The wrong side
Of the white picket fence
Cross over
It is time now
To leave behind
What you were
To become
Who you really are
Shut the gate behind you
It won’t on it’s own
Seal it tight
Don’t let the demons in
Here is a place of safety
Welcome
To the garden
Where we are alone now
But never alone
Under the shadow
Of the bell that tolls
Waiting for the sign
From no one
To take up our arms
And walk away
To cross the threshold
To become something new
Come take my hand
Walk with me
We can cross it together
And leave the gate
Swinging shut behind us
Don’t be afraid
I have done this before
All you have to do
Is open your heart
And sigh out your miseries
Then fill your heart back up
with the worlds gentle beauty
It is there
I promise
It is just hard to see
Just don’t get lost along the way
In the shadow of the bell that tolls
It can shallow you hole
You wont come back the same
To got o hell and back
To look down upon
You very own grave
Come back with me
I will guide you
Back to the gate
That stands guard
Over the bell tower
That watches us
From the garden
Don’t be afraid
This is life
This is who we are
This is who we have become
Eclipsed by the shadows
Of the bell tower

Rebel Children

monica — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 06:17:27 +0000

Look into my eyes
Please tell me what you see
Do you know who I am
Or have you seen someone
Just like me
Standing in the background
With dark solemn eyes
We are the Rebel Children
Broken yet strong
We can be found everywhere
Or nowhere at all
We are the vacant eyes
Of a forsaken god
Always watching
But who sees nothing
And does nothing
Hollow and dark
We are the stain glass windows
Peering deep into your soul
We do not pass judgment
We are the just the eyes
Of a century
How foolish for anyone
To have ever believe
We as humans
Were the images of angels
We are god’s Rebel Children
Never what we are expected
To be in the end
We fight through silence
With our angry eyes
Cast not at heaven
But into the passersbys
God didn’t make us this way
We did
We are the rampant soul
Of a stubborn child
We want only what we do not have
And hate all else
The consumers and buyers
Burning a hole in your soul
Grinding in a cigarette butt
No chance for a fire ever again
Snuff out that spark of life
Leaving you in an eternity of darkness
That you yourself created
So empty and hollow
Just trying to fill that hole
The hole you burned
With your money and lies
With your jealousy and hate
Slowly destroying your life
We are the Rebel Children
Who just don’t belong
The ones who can’t sleep at night
But can’t ever really wake up
We are everything
And nothing at all

She Prayed

monica — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 03:15:12 +0000

The little girl knelt
Her hands together
And head bowed
She prayed
She asked for
Forgiveness
She pleaded for
Guidance
She begged for
Repentance
She wept for
Redemption
She prayed hoping for an answer
That never came
She picked up her head
Her soft hair falling
And looked at the stars
She asked silently
God why don’t you answer me
Yet no answer came

She prayed every night
For the rest of her life
Waiting for that answer
That never came
Faithfully she returned
Every night and knelt
She refused to loose hope
Hands together
And head bowed
She prayed
She always listened
But no word came
But still she believed
That he was waiting
And watching over her
He never did help her
He never reached down
To a child on her knees
And said to her
It is all right, you can go now
You can go free
He left her all alone
Her parents didn’t understand
Then her children didn’t understand
And then her grandchild didn’t understand
But she didn’t ask
For their understanding
Just to be heard

So she left them behind
In a desperate silence
She prayed
She asked for
Forgiveness
She pleaded for
Guidance
She begged for
Repentance
She wept for
Redemption
Even though her answer
Never came
She prayed